From me (& my counsel) to all of you --

[GuilTTy]

Now cut it out and get back to brake fitments and cross-drilled antennae mounts.

[MichaelTT]

For anyone who has ever planned a company Christmas party.....

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue.
There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional
carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows
up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts
among employees can be
done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with
Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applied to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

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December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table
that reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget
about the gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members
feel that $10 is
too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

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December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet and pregnant women closest
to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there
will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa"
does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little
man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

----------------------------------------------------------------------
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at
Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or
not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as
you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes.
But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all
have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Planner from Hell

-------------------------------------------------------------------
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from
her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at
the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

[RTinNYC(again)]

[GuilTTy]

[undrway]

[RTinNYC(again)]

[Rennen]

[GuilTTy]

[Rennen]

[RTinNYC(again)]