How to be an idiot and install an AWE boost gauge. (long)

[VandyS4]

Read this first

Ok. This is what happens when a technical n000bler tries to install a boost gauge.

#1 While still recovering from trauma of installing a samco TBB, decide to forego the help of others and get this boost gauge installed yourself, ignoring of the fact that you almost broke your car with the TBB install.
#2 Assert that if AWE had included a blowpop of any kind with the package, the install would be much easier. (you will later figure out that the install would be easier if you weren't completely incompetent).
#3 Assemble as many tools as possible, noting that your crappy pile of tools is wholly insufficient for this job. Plan on scrounging remaining tools from neighbors.
#4 Go out to car. While en route to car, flirt with hot neighbor. Tell her you're doing "car stuff," while knowing that she will probably see you, ten hours later, crying over the S4 you've mangled beyond repair.
#5 Arrive at car. Open door. Sit down. It's cold. Close door.
#6 Pick up flathead screwdriver. Glare at center vent, informing it that it will soon become your bitch.
#7 Try to pop out center vent. Fail.
#8 Try to pop out left vent. Fail again.
#9 Repeat steps 7 and 8 until you are sweating in frustration.
#10 It's hot. Open door. Curse.
#11 Pop out left side of left vent. Insert scissors in to popped out side and jam the flathead in the right side.
#12 Scream in triumph as stupid little plastic vent pops out, falling on to the shifter surround, defeated.
#13 Gloat.
#14 Pull out vent assembly. Cut finger. Curse.
#15 Focus on finding the spot for the hole. Wish you had a damn drill, but decide that an x-acto will suffice.
#16 Pick up X-acto. Attack vent housing with the fury of a thousand cyclones.
#17 Continue to cut hole until the stupid tube and wires fit through. Marvel at the shoddy "hole," which resembles some sort of amorphous polygon.
#18 You have no wire strippers. Stores are closed.

Day 2 of Boost Gauge Install

#19 Return to car with wire strippers you've bought. They're "automatic," so you can't fvck this up.
#20 Strip white wire with strippers.
#21 Watch in horror as strippers strip the wires, and shear all but two thread of the wire underneath. Your white wire is now much shorter. Curse. Alot.
#22 Heave automatic wire strippers as far as possible, marveling at the weighty thud they make on impact. Strip wires with x-acto. Admire ghetto wire stripping methods.
#23 Remove four 8mm screws on knee bolster. Easy.
#24 After much wrenching, cursing, and sweating, discover and remove fifth 8mm screw. Realize that you've been humbled, yet again, by a tiny, inanimate piece of metal.
#25 One of your other hot neighbors passes by. Flirt. Point out all the wires and screws you've removed. Make up more than a few polysyllabic automotive terms like, "boosted vacuum line charge limiter regulator housing assembly meter wire." Hide confusion at whatever the hell you just said, hope she doesn't ask what it is.
#26 Pop hood, remove ECU cover, etc.
#27 Create at least three different ways to get the vacuum tube up through the ECU box, one being trying to feed down electrical tape from the ECU housing under the knee bolster.
#28 Discover that you can pretty much just feed the tube up without any of the stupid methods you've created, idiot.
#29 Brutalize two rubber nipples to feed tube through to engine bay. Note that they really don't look like any nipples you've encountered. Pray you never encounter such dagger-nipples on a woman.
#30 Approach cloth hose with scissors. Sweat profusely. Recognize that this is the point of no return.
#31 Cut hose. Pray that was the right hose. Deal with minor anxiety attack.
#32 WD40 on T-joint thing, insert in appropriate tubes. Spend ten minutes trying to zip-tie everything. Freak out at the hissing noise that you hear whenever you put pressure on that hose thing that's in your damn way.
#33 Run inside, to post on S4 forum, asking how to make zip-ties tighter.
#34 Mutilate F5 key while waiting for a response.
#35 Return to car, apply pliers to zip ties to tighten them. Sweet.
#36 Try to figure out how the hell to attach wires to loop terminals. Ghetto rig this by just inserting the wires in the terminals and wrapping them around the loop. Attach ground wire and power wire.
#37 Try to attach male/female ends to wires. Fail miserably. Use a LOT of electrical tape to hold wires in female ends, secure male/female ends together. Attach vacuum hose to gauge.
#38 Test out gauge. It works. Gloat.
#39 Put car back together.
#40 At night, discover that gauge is not lit. Hurl an encyclopedic amount of expletives at your stupid fvcking gauge. Fvck.

Day 3 of boost gauge install.

#41 Read DocWyte's post on AWE gauge install. Feel stupid. Make a stupid post about why you should use the male/female ends. Endure public embarassment via DocWyte's replies.
#42 Return to car. Having forgotten how to remove the vents, go through that miserable procedure AGAIN. (acquire new cuts to go along with those from the days before).
#43 Note that black ground wire has removed itself from the male terminal. Shake your mind's fist at DocWyte. Remove all male and female terminals.
#44 Twist wire ends together, but freak out when the black wire almost slips out through the hole and beyond your reach. Apply massive amounts of electric tape. Take pictures of ghetto fabulous methods.
#45 Wonder why the hell you even decided to use the grommet, since it in no way fits in that ridiculous hole your incapable ass cut.
#46 Reassemble. Gauge lights up. Sweet.
#47 Look at AWE RSK04 kit online. Think, "doesn't look so bad anymore. I could do that." Reality check: your hands are covered in battlescars from inanimate plastic objects, you almost TKO'd your car putting a TBB on, and you took three days to install a boost gauge whose "install time" was "1-1.5 hours." Close browser window.

#48 Post pictures of ghetto methods.

Note that the grommet is just kinda hanging there by the hole.

[magilla70]

[Rican_S4]

[neilm]

[Mike2kS4]

Well, your mechanical ability/luck can only improve !

[DeutschDriver]

[ImolaRocket]

[RKA]

Oh...I was definitely laughing!

[UberVier]

[KOpork]