I don't get it. All I've wanted to do so far is the APR ECU upgrade which is $600 and it's next to impossible to convince my wife. It's also not worth doing it behind her back (although I'm sure I could :D ) so what's your secret?

It's not a money thing for her but just principle. She sees it all as a complete waste of money that could be used on other things. I don't really want to do any major mods such as body kits or lowering the car or even different wheels but can only imagine the drama if I wanted to!! :D

Her logic is hard to overcome - "What's wrong with the way it is now?"

I don't mod, but if I did it would be with "my" money. My feeling is that both spouses really should have some amount of money that is theirs alone, to be spent how they like. That way every purchase or financial decision doesn't have to be a joint agreement (or argument).

My wife and I both contribute to our common expenses, but we also each have some spending money that is totally at our individual discretion. If she wants to go to the spa or buy a handbag, she can do so without getting grief from me. If I want to buy something or mod my car I can do so as well. You need to have some ability to do things that don't require spousal approval, IMO. It has worked well for us and contributed greatly to marital harmony.

Of course, this only works if you aren't living paycheck to paycheck and barely scraping by.

I agree with Hobbes.

When the time comes for me.. I personally think I will have three accounts.. one joint savings, one joint checking, and one for personal spending..

A $600 mod to them makes as much sense as a $600 Coach purse to us..

I don't mod, but if I did it would be with "my" money. My feeling is that both spouses really should have some amount of money that is theirs alone, to be spent how they like. That way every purchase or financial decision doesn't have to be a joint agreement (or argument).

My wife and I both contribute to our common expenses, but we also each have some spending money that is totally at our individual discretion. If she wants to go to the spa or buy a handbag, she can do so without getting grief from me. If I want to buy something or mod my car I can do so as well. You need to have some ability to do things that don't require spousal approval, IMO. It has worked well for us and contributed greatly to marital harmony.

Of course, this only works if you aren't living paycheck to paycheck and barely scraping by.
I've tried that approach with her but that turned into a nightmare so I dropped it. To her credit she is very reasonable in most cases and it's not like I can't buy or do anything without her permission. Although I agree there are benefits to having a separate spending account, I feel like having only a joint account is the most transparent and also helps keep each other in check.

I like to think we live a very comfortable life but yet we save a lot of money every month as well - probably due to me not being able to blow it all away:o

http://www.shareasale.com/image/EAR10-Round_pic.jpg

LOL this is a great post... I think we all can in some way resonate with these thoughts!! I am still cracking up... I have gone through this many a times.

My take on it is ... that if you cant get her to agree, wait for the opportune time... keep throwing it out there.

For her its a waste of money thing... but she needs to know how important it is for you and the pleasure you would derive from it.

Level it in her head... tell her you won't buy that extra shoe or postpone clothing purchase by a couple of months. I think she is looking for justification of this expense which she feels is useless.

Drop hints as to why would want it... heck act like a child if needed :P
Or just wait for a 'big' event ... your b'day or christmas or any other holiday that you celebrate which involves gift giving.
And make it easier for her ... tell her "if you are planning on giving me a gift, i would really hope to get the car chipped" :)

good luck... and great post!

LOL....I usually just keep bringing it up every once in a while until she gives in. In fact, she didn't want me to get the B8 itself for good reason. We live in an apartment building where we have to pay for parking, she already has a company car that we pay nothing for and I walk to work!! :D

But I've wanted an Audi A4 for years and after continuously selling her on it (with some surprising help from my family) was able to get it. So the fact that she gave in on a $40k purchase would make it seem a $600 would be easy right? No. The downside to these type of situations is she gets to hold the B8 A4 over my head for some time along with all the other big ticket items I buy.

"But I let you get the Audi right?" LOL!

i don't want to waste $650, so i need to spend $600 now with 50%+ dicount off regular price um...about $1250.. that'll make YOUR new car smoother and have higher MPG....

i would focus more on the anti theft system and the increased fuel economy that comes with the $600. i also like the early christmas present idea.

The chick im dating now drives a Boxter but wants to upgrade to a Carrera, so i dont foresee any issues in the future is she one day gets upgraded to Wife 1.0.
She even called me yesterday when she saw her first R8 and asked when i was getting one.

But to answer your question, i think the only way you can sell it is by using increased MPG, security feature (which may lower your insurance) and the valet mode.

If none of that works on her there is only one way

"It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission." - Grace Hopper

I've used just about every idea that's been suggested. The only things that consistently work for me are offering to buy her a gift of similar value (she likes this alot, but it means all mods cost double!) or asking for the mods as a gift (birthday, christmas). I've tried hiding mods in the past and that is too much stress keeping secrets, and definitely not worth getting caught lying. Good luck!

i don't want to waste $650, so i need to spend $600 now with 50%+ dicount off regular price um...about $1250.. that'll make YOUR new car smoother and have higher MPG....

This is basically what I was gonna say. Appeal to the bargain shopper in her.
I had a female friend who told me after she spent $300 in one fell swoop
"I had to spend money to save money" :)

"Woman, go make me a sandwich while I chip the car so I can impress my girlfriend!"

Har.

"Woman, go make me a sandwich while I chip the car so I can impress my girlfriend!"

Har.

Nice! I imagine that would go over about as well as a fart in church.

I've dealt with this for almost 20 years with the wife! Unfortunately, she is of the mind that a car is just a transportation appliance and she clearly doesn't understand and barely tolerates my life-long enthusiasm for fast European cars. Even though money is not a problem with our dual professional incomes, she's incredibly frugal - She inherited the trait from her parents who had decidedly meager beginnings but made good in the long run. About 10 years ago she had a more demanding position with 12+ hour days as the norm. I followed all the financial statements, did the taxes, etc. and she didn't look at anything. I could get away with any mod on my car that wasn't visually obvious - ECU chip, shocks & springs were easy. I had to talk my way into a wheel & tire upgrade a few years ago but fortunately my previous car had OEM alloys as a precedent. I actually justified the wheels/tires upgrade by purchasing a new Passat without the OEM alloys. Then my aftermarket cost for wheels/tires turned out to be less than the OEM package which was OK with her. However - My wife is now semi-retired and has taken over the whole financial picture at our house so I've had to become more devious. We have one account that has a very complex statement that my wife hates to monitor. She has been handing it off to me for verification and I told her it's easier to monitor on line. She doesn't like to look at this stuff on line so I do it and say the account is all OK every month. The account has a debit card option so I can do just about whatever I want. She may see the balance on the statement but it fluctuates a lot due to automatic deposits and payments. A couple hundred bucks for a mod here and there is a drop in the bucket in the account so it's never noticed.

Nice! I imagine that would go over about as well as a fart in church.

Yeah, didn't work for me either.

I've tried hiding mods in the past and that is too much stress keeping secrets, and definitely not worth getting caught lying.

I tried this with a past girlfriend when I installed a Bassani exhaust system on my Lightning, just to see if she would notice. As soon as I fired it up, she said "I think you better take your truck in for service, it doesn't sound like it's running right." I immediately fessed up. :o

I tried this with a past girlfriend when I installed a Bassani exhaust system on my Lightning, just to see if she would notice. As soon as I fired it up, she said "I think you better take your truck in for service, it doesn't sound like it's running right." I immediately fessed up. :o

A girlfriend is different though... she can't walk away with half your chit.

By not getting married in the first place... Ha.

A girlfriend is different though... she can't walk away with half your chit.

Agreed, I wouldn't dare try that with a wife. Thankfully I don't have to hide anything from mine.

Can you explain that you saved about $5000 "downgrading" the the 4 cylinder but only because you knew that you could match the power by chipping the 4cyl? And you will get your money back on re-sale.

So I don't think I have any angle on this...my wife is unbeatable logic and common sense on her side that I can't break through. The car is leased so her thing is why spend $600 on something that I'll only have for another 2 years and then the next lucky owner/dealer that gets it. I don't plan on keeping the car.

She's smart, her new thing is "well if you had bought the car I'd be fine with it"...ARRGGGHHHH. LOL! :D

Doesn't an ECU upgrade pay for itself in about 10 years in fuel economy savings? Maybe sooner with higher fuel costs. That 1 MPG improvement adds up over time. ;)

I bought my wife her own Audi. I do what I want to the Suby.

Honestly though, we've scraped month to month in the past. Best way to get things I wanted was to simply state what I wanted and how I'd find the cash. Most of the time this meant cleaning out the garage and putting stuff up on ebay. It worked both ways, I made her clean out her closet and post up stuff when she wanted an espresso machine. :)

Convince APR to make an annual subscription pricing model. They've figured out how to do a 'timed' mode for trial use. I would think they could find a way to work the same kind of magic with timing and offer a product for leased cars more affordably. That's not to say it would necessarily be in their best interest.

Some people have weird relationships with their partners.

What happened to "whats yours is mine and what's mine is yours"?

I bet a lot also have separate bank accounts and hide cash from their partners too. :-/

What happened to "whats yours is mine and what's mine is yours"?


Soctty on a lighter note, the new saying you have your partners say is "Whats mine is mine and whats yours is also mine" :D

Mobilehavoc - Go do it buddy... get the chip... and find a way to deal with it. diamonds or purses usually work.

And we here are always there for support :)

"What's mine is mine. What was your's is mine and anything you could ever dream of having is mine."

Some people have weird relationships with their partners.

What happened to "whats yours is mine and what's mine is yours"?

I bet a lot also have separate bank accounts and hide cash from their partners too. :-/
Where is it written that marriage must follow that template?

Our finances are joined, but we have decided to dedicate a portion of those finances for each spouse to spend as they like. This was a mutual decision that we decided would work for us (and it has). There are no hidden accounts or nefarious implications, but neither of us has to beg or wheedle to make relatively minor purchases.

I don't know how this makes our relationship "weird".