Some humor for the day<p>By Robert Kirby<br>The Salt Lake Tribune <p>On Friday, my wife and I returned from a fast road trip to California. <p>Because it was supposed to be a romantic getaway, we decided to drive the scenic back roads. <br>We came home insane. <p>Ever notice how the slowest people in the entire universe are always the people ahead of you? <p>In northern California, these people were driving motor homes. <p>They choked every road, braking at the slightest curve or dip in the pavement as if they were carrying a load of nitro or someone inside was on the can. <br> <br>Every motor home we managed to pass looked like it was being driven by George Burns' father. <p>This isn't a specific complaint against old people but rather a broad indictment of dawdlers. <p>And the last time I checked, slowpokes weren't a protected group and it wasn't politically incorrect to savage them in the press. <p>Normal people (you and me and maybe five others) always end up stuck behind someone who isn't sure where they are going, or even particularly concerned about when or if they will get there. <p>On the freeway, it's a mom in a minivan driving at a safe but teeth-grinding 49 mph in the fast lane. <p>In the ATM drive-through lane, the person ahead of you will be brain-damaged and trying to refinance their house. <p>A simple walk through the mall invariably puts you behind people who want to stroll four abreast through a crowd. <p>It isn't a bad thing to be slow. <p>But it is a bad thing to be slow in fast places like the freeway, supermarket express lanes, fire escapes and jet runways. <p>And if not exactly a bad thing, it's at least a rude thing to park yourself in a doorway, on the stairs, or some other bottleneck place. <p>Bar none, the slowest people on earth congregate in the foyer of an LDS chapel. <p>No matter how many people need to get out of the chapel after a meeting, some tortoise always decides that the world will end if they don't drop anchor in the middle of the hall and cork up traffic so they can visit. <p>Maybe the problem is evolution rather than an abject lack of consideration for others. <p>If evolution had been fair, slow people today would have eyes in the back of their heads or doorknobs on their butts. <p>But, hey, the world needs slow people and fast people, if for no other reason than variety. <p>And maybe a food chain. <p>Some people will say that fast people are actually the inconsiderate ones. <p>If fast people just had patience and understanding, if they would just stop and smell the flowers, the world would be a better place. <br> <br> Not even. <p>Somebody please explain how the world would be a much better place if everything was either late or never ever got done. <p>You might think fast people are rude when they're behind you honking and yelling "please for the love of God speed it up to at least 30 mph!" <p>But you probably wouldn't be so understanding of slowpokes if you were in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital, or if your Social Security check was delivered by someone who stopped and smelled the roses. <p>We need some new handicap laws. Slow people should be required to keep right on everything like the freeway, stairs, malls and trains of thought. <p>There should be a turtle check-out lane in supermarkets. <p> Fisher-Price should develop an easy-to-operate ATM for slowpokes. <p>And it shouldn't be against the law to use anti-tank weapons against motor homes. <p>We need these laws now. Immediately. <p>C'mon, what are you waiting for? Hurry up!<ul><li><a href="http://www.sltrib.com/07061999/utah/6239.htm">http://www.sltrib.com/07061999/utah/6239.htm</a></li></ul>

Ony my way home this weekend in the crazy traffic I get behind a Brilliant Black 96-98 A4 2.8Q in the fast lane doing 60 in a 65 zone on I-95 somewhere in connecticut who wouldnt move out of my way even though I wanted to do 85.<p>Anyway, I started feeling 'dirty' because I drove the same kind of car as this person did and they were holding up miles of traffic.<p>I was upset for my A4 brethren (people-ren) that everyone had to be subjected to this guy.<p>Anyway, if you are out there reading this forum, shame on you for not moving over when you were supposed to!

From what I have read, most road rage occurrs when someone gets cut off by an inconsiderate driver. I think if more people would keep right it would promote better traffic flow. With traffic not backing up so much it would be easier for people to find a nice gap in traffic instead of feeling like they are forced to make their own by cutting someone off. <p>Just my opinion.<p>Paul<br>'98.5 A4 TQTS in Pearl

When we take the highways in europe, in the south of spain for example, there are 3 lanes. The slow lane, the "I want to pass the slow lane", and the "get out of my way because I am going fast lane". It's simple. You stay in order, traffic flows nicely, people move at their own speeds, hardly ever a need to get upset, etc. I sometimes dream that I-94 by my house would practice this... but then again I'd probably take it a bit too far...<p>Dreaming of America being 90% COMPETENT drivers and not INCOMPETENT...<p>Marcus Frost<br>99.5 1.8TQM (F Status)

YESSUM!<p>Nothing pisses me off more than idiots on the road. Alot of people say "Well, you probably do the same things!" but, I dont! I USE my signals, I go FAST in the left lane, or use it to PASS. It's those people who just cruise down the road admiring the bird**** on their windshield that mess things up - there's people in this world who have things to do. <p>Also, when the lanes merge, how much time do you think you saved by not letting the guy next to you in, when the guy behind *him* would merge behind *you* ?<p>Think about it, just a little courtesy could end all road rage. Thank someone for letting you in, or out. Something that simple happens so rarely, you usually would even makes someone's day better.<p><br>-Vinny<br>'88 90 taken by '95 Camry<br>'88 80 Quattro 2.3<br>2000 S4 on the way!

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